Nevertheless, the journey of creating the documentary triggered profound grief in me, which propelled my own journey of unravelling. We had travelled to a part of the Brazilian Amazon that had been decimated by industrial agriculture, and we spent hours driving on roads surrounded by rainforest burning in the distance, and cattle grazing on pasture that had very recently been standing virgin rainforest. I felt helpless in the face of what seemed like unstoppable destruction, fuelled by the powerful forces of cultural/american imperialism and extractive capitalism.

This experience changed me, and I returned home with more questions than answers, and plunged into a years long (really lifelong) process of reconciling my pain for the world and feelings of helplessness and hopelessness, with a desire to make a meaningful and positive impact on it.

A year later in 2018, I deepened into my own metamorphosis through the process of uncoupling from a 7 year partnership, which in turn led to a significant dissolution of who I thought I was. In the midst of uncoupling from my previous partner, I faced parts of myself that I had relegated to the shadows. Life had made it very clear that it was time for a reset. We had both developed coping strategies that were keeping us complacent, stuck in loops, and feeling victimized by our circumstances, the world, and by one another. I realize now how much I seeded my identity in our relationship, and how this identification created a false sense of security. I identified so deeply with the relationship that when life was asking us to let go of the comfortable cocoon we had created over so many years, I was terrified. I had no idea who I was outside of the life we had built together. I am grateful that through the process of our uncoupling, we shared a mutual commitment to do so with love and care. Thus, together we dove into the codependent dynamics that had developed over time and we went on a healing journey to learn how to own our own stuff & authentically communicate our feelings.

The last two years have been a process of coming home to myself. Along the way, I have made many mistakes. I have gotten involved with people when my intuition was telling me to be more restrained, and I’ve definitely made choices that I now regret. I’ve found it challenging to have healthy boundaries, and I’ve often felt ungrounded and at a loss for what to do, and for how to ‘be’. I’ve gone through cycles of feeling alone, depressed, and entrenched in grief. Through it all, I’ve also delved into all kinds of methodologies & spiritual practices, and consequently have had many mystical experiences. I’ve spent countless hours diving into my own psyche to in turn develop a healthy internal process of self-compassion and self-acceptance. I’ve learned (and am continuing to learn!) how to get truly quiet so I can listen to ‘the little voice within’ so that I may trust and follow the natural wisdom coming through. I’m grateful to now feel at home in myself, settled in my body, connected to my heart, and to feel an eagerness to contribute meaningfully to the new story emerging.

I feel almost like a different person now, as if I have undergone a full metamorphosis of my consciousness over these years. I feel further along the path towards sovereignty and emotional mastery, and I am grateful to be on this forever-deepening path. In sharing my story within the frame of metamorphosis, I hope to convey my belief in the greater life intelligence at work in the world, and the value in taking a leap of faith and making big life changes. Change is inevitable and with it comes dissolution of identity, where we must relinquish so much of what we’ve known to be true about ourselves and reality, in order to make space for whatever is wanting to emerge.